FASQ

VENICE FASQ (FREQUENTLY ASKED STUPID/SILLY QUESTIONS)

I have been working in tourism for almost 15 years and I am a native of Venice.
Below you will find some stupid questions that were really made by tourists who visit Venice. These questions were made to me or to my colleagues.

These are stupid questions that do not deserve an answer and that make the interlocutor (receptionist, etc …) nervous and stroppy because he usually feels teased. In order to avoid fooling and useless nervousness, I suggest you never make these kind of questions to anyone.Actually, in my opinion, every hotel, office, museum, shop, restaurant … every place that has contact with people, should have a paper or a sheet or a page or a poster or a panel with the various FASQs that were made there. This paper could be exposed in different ways:
– placed on the desk
– on the wall like a panel
– placed inside the menu (the first page of the menù)
– written or attached on the tables
Everyone can find the most appropriate and fun way to expose it.

This kind of paper will bring benefits for both seller / operator and buyer / client.
Benefits for the buyer / client:
– avoid blunder
– avoid that the person in front of you think that you are stupid and ignorant
– make the person in front of you more available, less nervous and happy to answer you

Benefits for the seller / operator:
– Help the buyer / client
– Avoid having to answer stupid questions (nobody likes to waste their time with futile things)
– Be more available and relaxed
– Give a laugh or a smile to the buyer / client who reads your FASQ (start a relationship, whatever it is, with a smile is the best way to have the trust and availability of the person in front of you)

Below you will find my (and my colleagues) FASQ that concern tourists that want to visit Venice:

Tourist: “Where can I park my car in San Marco square?”
Operator – what he think “Is he really asking me this question or is he joking?”
Operator – what he answer “Unfortunately Venice is an island where any vehicles on wheels or on rail can not circulate. You can not park in San Marco square because there are no parking lots”

Tourist: “Ok, so how can I get to San Marco by car?”
Operator – what he think “Shit, he’s not kidding me!!!”
Operator – what he answers “I’m sorry but you  can not reach San Marco by car. You can reach it just on foot or by boat”

Tourist: “Ok, so I’ll take a taxi”
Operator – what he think “I hope he is speaking about the water taxi or it means he did not understand anything”
Operator – what he answers “You can take the water taxi but they are very expensive.I suggest you to ask the price to the taxi driver before getting on the boat. There are no” normal “taxi in Venice because there are not vehicles on wheels. Just pedestrians and boats ”

Tourist: “Ok, but there will be at least one bus that takes me to San Marco”
Operator – what he think “I hope he is speaking about the water buses (Vaporetto) or I will kill him”
Operator – what he answers “You can take water bus number 1 or number 2 that move through the Grand Canal and take you to San Marco.There are no buses in Venice.There are only PEDons and BOATS”

Tourist: “Ok, I understand, so I’ll take a Tram or the Metro or a Train to take me downtown”
Operator – what he think “What this f…k. He is really kidding me… where does he come from?… have you  any idea where you are or did you take the first plane that was avaiable? Are you fu….ing kidding me?”
Operator – what he answers “Unfortunately, these vehicles do not exist in Venice.You can reach San Marco square ONLY, and I repeat ONLY, on FOOT, with WATER BUSES (VAPORETTO), with a PRIVATE BOAT or with a WATER TAXI. IN VENICE THERE ARE ONLY PEDESTRIANS AND BOATS AND NOTHING , and I repeat NOTHING, ELSE (NEITHER BICYCLES) ”

Tourist: “Venice is a modern city, isn’t it? Because I do not like old cities”
Operator – what he think “But where do you think you are!?!? But have you ever seen at least a couple of pictures of Venice? Just write” Venice “on google and click on “Images” to get an idea”
Operator – what he answers “Unfortunately Venice is a purely historical city, it was founded in 421. It has been rebuilt several times in different historical periods but not in a modern one”

Tourist: “Is there anything in Venice to visit?”
Operator – what he think “No … there are only modern building and cars everywhere (in a sarcasm way)”
Operator – what he answers “There are so many things to visit in Venice: the San Marco Basilica, the Doge’s Palace, the Clock Tower, the Rialto Bridge, the island of Murano, the island of Burano, the Grand Canal, etc…”

Tourist: “I’m afraid to go to Venice with the high water because I’m afraid of drowning”
Operator – what he think “But … REALLY!?!?!?! It is not possible that you believe in what you are saying”
Operator – what he answers “Do not worry, there is no risk of drowning. Even if there is a tide of extraordinary height, the water would reach maximum your basin level”

Tourist: “What time does Venice close?”
Operator – what he think “It’s not a shop, it’s an island, but does Madagascar or Cuba close?”
Operator – what he answers “Don’t worry Sir, Venice is always open.”

If you have any other FASQ, fill out the form that you will find at the end of this page. I will always update this list in order to help people that want to visit this unique and wonderful island.

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